This Isn't About You

I told you I'd forgiven

but I can't seem to forget

the years of hurt, neglect and pain

did more damage than I could admit

I wanted nothing but your love, acceptance, friendship, peace

but all i got for years in turn was negativity and grief

The past has been smoothed over now

wiped clean within your mind

i can not help but feel it's sting

every year around this time

I may be full of smiles and hugs and graceful conversation

but inside still lurks the pain and hurt

of our awful confrontations

I pray the Lord will heal my heart and take the ache away

I know we're not perfect here on Earth

And you reacted out of hurt,

misapprehension,

misguided anger,

misplaced aggression,

mistaken behavior,

that the past is rose colored in your eyes

and I try to see that when I'm by your side

and I try to pretend that it's all ok,

that I haven't been broken beyond what I could take

but the hurt is hiding within me still

and though i bare you no ill-will

and though i love you with the part

of my heart

that's still whole

I'm not sure I'll ever really be over it

and I'm not sure you'll ever really know.

And maybe, just maybe

it's better that way.